Book of Unknown: Introduction (last book of my diaries)

This last part of my diaries is dedicated to my unborn seed who never made it to see earth due to abortion. I had no choice nor say so or even decision in the process. I thought she was my best friend. I thought she was a real mother. I thought she had kept her word. What I did not know during that time was that jealousy, envy, hatred, greed and more emotions of an African-American female, whose betrayal on the King she so called loved spun out of control and took you away. For years I have tried to grasp why…still I have no answers even when I did right and no wrong and the heavens no me and the truth well see. I never did any harm but always planned forward without caught up in a fantasy. Yet I am glad you didn’t make it cause I would not have wanted to be caught up in another custody battle, love and war, hopelessness, scandal and adulterous deeds knowing I would have never initiated any of it but you learn…you learn that you cannot control anyone nor help anyone’s fear to be suitcase out the window of freedom to live in peace. When she gave me the beginning news of why I knew you were deceased. She blamed me for everything in her life from the past to that present and when I called her years later…she broke down in tears asking forgiveness as her marriage had failed, money swindled, and her child I took care of like my own was not being taken care of. I said I forgave her yet I planned and we planned you at that time down to the minutes and seconds so how can you forgive someone of a child truly destined and reasoned? I don’t know how…and so I write it out as the tears I cannot shed anymore from December to December by myself and the black woman of today wonder why my hatred stems cell from her; cause true love is spiritual and not her say so of will to destroy at all cost. There is no such thing as unconditional love or love when I close my eyes…it is only peace and I’m gone make it to rest in it forever while growing my bark of hardness showing the rings of years I survived the madness in the world and especially America and deeper…in Black America. I trust no physical womb anymore especially the black female so let me be free as no-thing one day on a higher consciousness beyond the hatred and stupidity of hue-man kind who are warmongers to hypocrites to innocent beings sacrificed as children to adults I feel your pain as I have been there…yes indeed and the pain is too much to even write out and the falls from deceptions hurt too much to even express visibly and they say it is life so expect it though I challenge that fool who says it cause if you know about life good deeds then why not pursue it and stop the bad? Answer that will you? If you know how to do right then why not do it from the soul or is your soul of how all feels it corrupt to the point you don’t care? Yes. I know what is wrong. Yes. I know what is right. Rest in peace to the live who kept me and keeps me going. I’m tired….

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