Precepts of Honesty

I expose myself to the harshest environments,
being honest is the best policy,
so people know where you stand,
as a talk is talk,
an argument is an argument,
most don’t want to hear how to grow up,
most don’t need to hear how to grow up,
do we care regardless?
on the real i’m just numb to it,
cause when you have no backing,
then you have no side to choose from,
everything becomes perceptive,
you feel the real around you constantly,
see muthas taught me the art of survival,
and many conversations we talked of worldwide on-ground,
will forever go to the grave with me,
it is a cruel world indeed but enemies are made,
comrades are born naturally,
what separates people from they mind?
is the intelligence from north to south,
and the truth is never whole unless you are,
the light spectra itself so i can never talk to you,
the opposite of me and same of me on a real conversation,
as we been bred to lie and believe in fairy tales,
now that’s the raw truth….

You cannot take away the heat from me,
from within the insides who are tougher,
the flames they are,
once upon ah time we sparked,
then our conversation grew into a small fire,
but it was not any camp in sight,
the dry depression kept at my skin,
like wet frozen needles,
when on contact stings painfully soaked in,
you know nothing about it doe,
never even walked with us,
sow the inferno increases,
the altitude of being live reaches unlimited,
i can feel my fingertips perspiring,
my toes are regaining consciousness,
i feel the steam trapped inside my headgear,
my hairs curl up stronger together,
my chest is heated getting swollen,
the breath is known when exhaled,
our beat gets heavier with each inhale of winter’s mint,
they refreshingly thump tremendous bass kicking our drums,
they keep saying it’s on! it’s on! it’s on!
rumbling crackling and yelling as our epitome echoing,
we pump out more love than you can imagine speech spoken power,
while stomping through the cold of da night invincibly determined every hour!

I got mental gain filled activity,
my heart speak out brethren feelings with articulated speech,
my soul kept loving cooking epitome’s recipes,
my spirit wills trumpets’s sound before your lungs seize,
letting love be resuscitated with my breaths of ease,
per pumped heartbeat pressured down and in appropriately mystically sweet,
it seems like the loving will never stop…
it seams like loving without places and props…
my words written in water forever concoct,
from my tears of calligraphy grieving plenty locked,
it is difficult foreward of my words to be grasped not,
the depths are deeper with each breath’s last,
i’ll love you with all i got before it’s over i got’ta love you with all i got,
and all i got is neverending with blushes crushes splitting alot,
giving it to you the only way i know how to love it from behind smashed,
live and directly yours receiving my voice aggressively passive at last,
it’s a love struggle ever more as ah rose’s vine creeping out the two masks.

I live my life under camo,
i really don’t trust nobody,
the bass hits i’m feeling true to the game,
i’m feel thugged out clocking my ends solo,
as a matter of fact they said i am,
i really don’t care about sex,
i can give three cents about luxuries,
i’m all about the daylight watching my back,
i’m all about my shadow watching the watcher,
finally in a place safe and warm,
my mind is the spot,
my heart still beats representing,
i got no time for dangers of hesitation,
i’m fully powered plugged into the underground,
i live my life under camo.

Homie what you about?
Looking at the nerves of the system,
from the eyes to the feet,
i came in as the total shock,
my messages are clear,
my doubts disappeared,
i’m all about this year,
without no numbers engraved,
the timer of my owned destiny,
i felt the tree hardness,
i seen the hummingbird wings,
i heard a rape victim scream,
i been in bloody knuckle fights,
i done held that mossberg at close range,
i never pulled it so his life remained the same,
i heard those tires screech,
the rubber smells foul,
the same as whores of genders,
homie what you about?
my ninja i’m about riding camo.

I know you hate me,
I know you despise me,
I know you love me endangered,
I know you walking,
I know you talking,
I know you contemplating,
I know you texting,
I know you calling,
I know you running,
I know you laughing,
I know you seriously,
I know you baffled,
I know you crazy,
I know you strange,
I know you abnormal,
I know you high,
I know you low,
I know you funking,
I know you think,
I know you move,
I know you really though,
I know you suckers,
I know you love him,
I know you love her,
I know you stalking,
I know you ignorant,
I know you know,
I live my life in camo.

Man that white man wanna kill me,

i still see those burning crosses,

they denied me a haircut when in military uniform,

i looked up the medals and ribbons’ background i accrued,

and found indeed i was serving under the roman times,

i got out and then found myself after ten years of service,

yo that black man is my natural born made into my enemy,

see we was suppose to be brothers,

but oppression and unequal,

economics still got us deathlocked,

black people are racist,

white people are racist,

yellow people are racist,

brown people are racist,

and i am just a writer who seen it,

watching like that black cat from a distance,

poised stance no tail waggling,

and no collar with no name,

straight free from identification,

and free from alarming ears,

all around the world as it turns

i live my life in camo.

She still hating,
i am simple,
on the power lines still,
i seen that buzzard,
cell phones are a hazard,
that’s what my last grandpa,
on my momma side living now told me,
in the country is cleaner air,
man those females got the same drama everywhere,
either when they drunk off liquor or maybe lick her,
i can’t even that do and it been played out,
keep licking it and watch you turn sex slave,
i only eat real salmon without the eggs,
and i’m tired of those chicken thighs,
steroid pumped up or feed fed hormones all the same,
i like those gigantic watermelons with those black seeds,
only redbones think they finest than ever and they were too,
see that redness mess with your eyes like power, love and sexiness,
the triple threat of weakness at your temple like a blast boomed,
she said why i be looking at her hard?
i said i ain’t i’m just thinking about my life living in camo.

She said I was no good,

after she came in my life stuck on should I,

though the birds could be fed if the mother wasn’t gone,

the kids always in somebody’s else arms all alone,

it’s women all over the world that deserved that perfect man,

unfortunately people’s savior ain’t coming back,

man the news ain’t nothing but gossip,

then again clever plotted propaganda,

i been in the pentagon secrets behind close doors are vile,

i got turned down a sixty thousand contract job in korea,

after the security clearance went through again like normal,

had the phone interviews i stay technically and tactically proficient,

the information technology kid is never missing a loophole like a worm,

the trojan that catches sperm ninety nine point nine percent of the times,

not including sexual transmitted diseases soaking in and out bodies,

nsa said the reason why i couldn’t get the job cause i fell off the map,

i tried to argue them down by being in college with under the table jobs,

then it hit me my ninja hoover couldn’t find me at his best,

neither am i a terrorist threat or domestic terrorist,

but still they could have been the ones who tapped my phone once,

not knowing how long i was singing a song echoes kept bouncing,

or maybe the sled cause of the young black males i was hanging around,

then again the cia or fbi or maybe a killer from the same black side,

i ain’t paranoid cause an ex-ole school cat confirmed it and told me to get gone,

man i swear if it ain’t the police, your own as genders or hostile spirits as ghosts,

you feel like the hunted hunted by they thrillers itching to peel ya,

the constant movie with all parts in motion you don’t know the scripts,

like a bag of barbeque corn chips i need more cream so i can dip,

sow i study the brain endless in my medical and health encyclopedias,

while eating pineapples with two dead roses on my pillow saving my syrupy mangoes,

while you on top of the surface i’m deep in the underground living my life in camo.

Yo why ninjaz always be talking about they thang?
i guess she likes to suck it or maybe him,
probably feeling super sexual to themselves,
i never understood why i gotta touch myself,
jacked off probably a hundred times or more in my life,
after each ejaculation i felt like i had nothing left,
held my own thang in my hands after sex with she one of those times,
from behind her booty was still shaking and clapping,
i said to myself dayum ninja you ain’t gon’ make it,
man she greedy for them nuts and ain’t taking no shorts or losses,
she want all of it inside then again maybe on her butt splashing hotness often,
i use to watch pornos of all women strutting they stuff,
they get you hot and horny for no reason just for the emotional rush,
and of course the dollar bills cause if it don’t make dollars then it don’t make sense,
that’s they motto steadily producing flick after flick,
and just one night i sat there quietly to myself…
looking into her inner womb like what the funk,
okay this is too much Aset’s sister had got me messed up,
i don’t want to see no more nor booty bouncing in my face,
with clothes on or not neither a smile in my face,
unapproachable to the maximum with a mean mug on sometimes,
i look back and they wonder probably what is on his mind,
well now you know from the gates,
i stood there in front of an english mansion once upon a time,
learned the british slang while playing pool pronouncing words extra proper,
looking smart from they now taxless glass windows,
you will find me all over the world living in camo.

Geah while i was homeless for the last two day in san diego california,
it was my last time enjoying the neverending sunshine,
the endless fruit trees,
beautiful women that will make you divorce yourself,
the land of skateboarders,
i could play a game of pickup basketball anytime,
you can see blacks by the specks here and there,
the food is off the chain for inexpensive prices,
los angeles is just miles away by any transportation,
south central was the bomb but i stayed aware with the big homie,
mexico and tj is across the lines,
where the mexican cartel and crooked police dwells deeply,
you don’t need to be down near the border really,
if you ain’t native american descent,
i was too dark to blend in you feel me?
and so did my intuition of wisest,
as a butterfly i got to see many races in one location again,
ah yes from vietnam town to ninja town,
so yeah back at the library in chula vista on the ground,
a white dude i learned from his introduction,
was a brotherhood member fresh out the pen,
he was my height and so he was asking about the library times,
they had just close right? so i felt him looking at my tattoos,
and he asked me was i in the pen once or gang-related,
i told him no to the first and affiliated once but not initiated,
so he felt better it seemed and he came right on out,
guess he was sizing me up…and just called me n*****,
this and that of how they speak in the pen and so i called him c******,
and told him how we get down in the dirty south,
he respected it and vice versa,
then asked me what i learned about that book i had beside me,
i had those books on about a guide to a black man and the other one on a black woman,
the author is islamic and so i kicked a bit of knowledge out of other books,
he was impressed and thought i was just a junkie lost forever in the land of killers,
so he broke out with a sack of weed plus joint papers,
and so he rolled one up while waiting for his mexican girlfriend,
now here you got two racist individuals talking about not being racist anymore,
sharing stories about oppression about the real gangsters in charge,
talking in racist language laughing and smoking,
watching out for the one time sitting side by side,
he offered me a chance to cop a pound of mexican high times,
i declined cause i had money to get out of cali,
and not stay due to unfortunate circumstances,
putting my trust and money in a homie’s realtor,
knowing the feeling was funny-style but eh you learn,
and he told me about the real staging of history detail for detail plus more,
i was amazed but not shock cause when the weed hit you you feel free,
and so his girl pulled up and he asked me one more time about the sack,
but i declined knowing it was either a setup,
or a quick comeup possibly keeping me stranded in the drug game,
he looked at me then shook his head and said i respect you n*****,
i never told him anything about our plans cause we had none,
and in turn i said i respect you c******,
we gave each other dap then he walked off into that jeep,
i sat back down but of course turned around to see if my shadow was still there,
geah that was hours before i got beat down by the chula vista policemen…
i live my life in camo.

Dayum she was flier than an airplane trip twenty four hours continuously,
straight from texas branded on her thigh with a cherry red as ever,
ugh hell yeah bouncing by herself in that club in cambridgeshire,
the only mixed or redbone dancing around blondes and brunettes,
i came in sporting a black suit with grey pinstripes,
and that bowler on stepping in my shiny black leather shoes,
they let me in instantly with a discount,
as the first timer looking clean and fresh right?
Yo i was by myself as usual many of times,
cause the homies wanted to always be sexually active,
like they draws on fire or something,
not downing them or nothing but on the real,
let’s chill and connect business by any means necessary,
night or day to get ahead sticking together from bottom to top,
but when your nuts is loaded up and the fuzzy peaches are juicy,
then of course you thinking with the wrong head as expected,
she was about five foot eleven inches glass slippers curly hair,
i had two hundred pounds and some dollars i remember,
came through those doors like i was saying from the jump,
on that stage getting her hustle on…
i went to the bar immediately to get that henny and tea mix,
and after we getting tequila down yeap,
but i don’t drink no more though still she was a drink alone,
got my drink and sat down looking around like dayum i’m the only one,
with a suit on so them lights best not shine over here,
i like to shy in the background like a panther waiting for that moment,
it’s that feeling when you see the female panther with your eyes focused,
we saw each other and she smiled so did i too!
I gave the signal and she put the one finger up,
while everybody looked around like what who is she communicating too,
being dark then darker in the cuts with only white eyes be like that,
after that song she came right over and sat down beside me,
yes it’s on it’s on it’s on it’s on it’s ooooon! it’s on. Heartbeating…
we talked and talked and talked…
and then she said why me while laughing buying me drinks now,
so we getting smashed within a hour and i asked her,
i asked her will you marry me or something cause we connected like that,
i said look into my pockets i’m real and she said no,
then i took her hands and inserted them into my pockets,
she pulled the notes plus identification cards and others out,
she said you brave cause i can take your stuff and bounce,
but you real and serious and so imma give you a free dance on me,
we play it smooth as she put my money back into my pockets slipping her money,
in my hands which was about forty five pounds but she had plenty more i figured,
we got in that back room and she unleashed whispering stuff raising my eyebrow hairs up,
okay after that one song i was harder than ever i could penetrate steel if i could,
she saw it then backed up placing her hand over it holding her head shaking it laughing,
i was like dayum help me put it down cause i had that suit on plus pride was coming out,
and she knew it so she walked in front acting like we was going to the atm outside before the exit,
slender and long legs walking sassy she said think about something else cause i know you looking,
and so i thought about nothing as it went down a little bit just enough to not be embarrassed,
before swinging through those doors she faced me and kiss my lips softly,
told me i deserved better and her head wasn’t right at that point in time of her life,
i said okay so where from here? she said don’t come back then turned around waving,
dayum…i be in the weirdest places feeling something i know..just know i was right,
but like always i have to come absolutely as myself in camo.

Love my homegirl P,
we was down as superstars,
use to walk down her house,
just to kick it after work,
she was shorter than me,
and fiesty to the vein popping out her forehead,
best to get right or she coming out at you,
but not like that with her cute self,
i really miss my homegirl P,
cause we use to smoke blunt after blunt,
and we always kicked wise quotes to each other,
she tried to race me on foot,
we felt like slower in the wind faster,
laughing trying to keep up with our laughter,
at the end of the stop sign she won,
them little calves be moving,
thinking she was all pretty up prissy girl type,
then we walked back to her house,
sometimes we walked up hugging,
all because we made another day brand new,
she use to ride my back blindfolding my eyes,
with them tiny fingers long fingernails,
she was wild out the car window sometime,
she was my friend to the end,
she was really real to me and never faking,
i could talk to her about anything like that,
but even she knew i love to live my life in camo.

Like if I were an angel,
i would come to you with roses,
meaning the females i be kicking it with the most,
and they be knowing when i approach,
i will uplift them all with an extra touch of realness,
follow me i will be the ebony flute,
without no legs or body for real,
i wouldn’t care about nobody,
cause nobody would not exist except the other angels,
i would wipe those thoughts of unrealness out,
input those thoughts of them sistahs from the past in,
like a roll call on my scroll longer than all years combine,
when i call them i will check they names off as they sound off,
and we gone march together for the freedom deserve,
i would tell them all to pray into my soul and charge me up,
everytime there is a blockage i’ll cut down it’s harvest,
you don’t understand if I ever get into the unseen,
and my real true wish come true…
i’m gone collapse oppression into the dust,
like if I were an angel without no earthly means considered,
cause i got real love i just can’t show,
it brings chill to my spine if i that kind of power,
so until i am granted the power i will stay in camo.

See what I learned from studying the brain,
down into the nervous system,
if you feel yourself like move not,
and just begin to feel…
you can heal yourself feel me?
think youthful and keep active,
see my experiences thus far,
has taught me life has multiple sides,
we sometimes like to look at it as dual,
but indeed if a gem were dual,
then we would not see all,
we couldn’t even begin you see,
enough of the faking,
throughout my words,
comes real poetry,
with a touch of young sage,
eyes of animal nature,
dig into your mind,
dig into the all,
find a place that is worthy,
to be right in your heart,
forget the past,
focus on the future,
enjoy the memories,
not to be drunken in them,
see i give raw examples,
from my own life,
that you can be everywhere at once,
years may seem slow,
but indeed the light of speed is unknown,
no matter how science calculates it,
no matter how math tries and define it,
we can only imagine to apply such information technology,
in life as a tool of advancement often not needed,
but see the greed of humanity is more than life can handle,
i would have to say that as all is compensated,
from one end to the next,
bless your soul with a change,
prophet your best,
love with your heart,
cherish none earthly,
mind your business,
surge your spiritual strength,
remember not earth hour,
as time really does not exist,
it is a number representing a value,
it is a placement figure,
see we as humans love to test the limits,
love to find out how the all works,
and prepare for it in the future,
but even science has exhausted,
returning back to the earliest form of known,
there is nothing else to learn but yourself,
the inner self and grow together,
there is no such thing as race,
only order of intelligence,
from top to bottom,
you cannot see every color,
unless you happen to be higher in spirit,
or just maybe ether,
the choice is yours,
camo or not,
this is higher gemini speaking,
i have my struggle from going down,
the down represents earth,
and up which is the higher self,
a higher thought process and life form,
without ego of lower self,
see i feel my power,
though the earthly self mixes-in,
often confusing earthly love,
for a more spiritual one that is outer world,
i know many of my efforts heal people,
some are misunderstood to be a thought of hurt,
and see words of perception can be like that,
i try my best to understand every mindset,
by researching their religious belief,
cause i have none…
so i am not tied down to anything,
enabling me to better understand,
myself and master mind,
which if i can i would give you a piece of mine,
though some would fry instantly,
cause the electricity moves too fast,
the neurons and all,
i feel too much,
and see too much,
i think too much,
i even smell too much,
all of which is the touch of life,
beyond normal senses,
my journey as a healer is trying,
cause i want to go back and play with those memories,
they are fond to me,
see i see the old and they die quicker due to lack of youth-minded activities,
you can live longer than expected,
see i have came to realization,
i will never have kids,
i actually knew it but tried to go against it,
i just have a higher calling,
and they keep calling me,
see it’s that inner fight,
the last frontier from within,
to try and enjoy the earth,
versus your real self,
and can nobody really help you,
but your will and discipline,
you have to be stronger than your last times,
that is why i go nowhere but to work,
home then work again then sleep,
watching everything repeat,
until i am ready to insert myself as the change,
the cause to effect,
so i stay in camo mastering mind into super-consciousness.

Your super-consciousness is the healing,
the natural fast period is the body at rest,
i heal myself by sleeping well,
my body’s lower half is elevated with bent knees,
it is the sleep without electronics on,
everything unplugged returning back,
to my natural state of mind,
i found this of much better comfort,
i wake up with the rooster,
as if the rooster had sounded off,
after awakening to break my fast,
i will exercise from fifteen minutes,
on into a hour first stretching,
every possible ligament to muscle,
then choosing whatever body challenge comes to mind,
of course i cool down afterwards repeating stretches,
i eat better using fruits after break-fast,
i drink two glasses of room temperature water,
mid afternoon or lunch time i eat raw veggies,
i drink two glasses of room temperature water,
dinner or sunset i enjoy my grains plus veggies plus fruits,
i drink a glass or two of deep red wine,
i drink two glasses of room temperature water,
on my off days i drink two glasses of warm sea salt water,
it help flushes out waste from the cells as sea salt does not dissolve,
for young thinking, i read about the human body,
and i also read up on holy texts to get a better understanding of humanity,
this is called bringing my understanding of humanity full circle,
and sow if my brain thinks young,
then my body shall reap youth,
as the nervous system keeps up faster,
transmitting all information needed to the nerves,
connected to the various bodily systems,
and therefore corresponding below so above,
with the universal nervous system,
enabling the right side of the brain to be more spiritually connected,
while the left side of the brain process more creativity,
creating a deeper thought process activating chemicals,
within the body structure to move more rapidly,
due to ongoing activity and the body must rest also,
or take that break using prayer and meditation,
my prayer leads into meditation often,
completely clearing all thoughts projecting myself elsewhere,
the higher consciousness is where i love to be,
so i rule over the lower half to be,
location also has a part in my journey,
this is why i am returning back to the woods,
to be more in silence or natural sound,
to be in cleaner air plus reap my own foods,
sown from seasons of gardening,
i remember my great grandmutha,
she always got out there to tend her garden,
i use to help her though i watched most of the time,
sometimes i wish she were still here,
and so my wish is true as i am her,
directly from the bloodline with the same power,
to heal with hands and kind words of wisdom,
i desire to be the higher me,
i am intermediate in my spiritual journey,
the aspirant to master mind,
while in camouflage across eyes i walk with a secret,
the secret is my inner self.

The secret is my inner self,
walk with me impression,
every foot print we make is depth,
my breath is in,
the flow is outward,
way of one wind,
stop movement,
feel surrounding serenity,
all around me is within I,
put my hands together,
to channel my energy thoroughly,
i feel the fire within increasing,
my eyes are closed,
random thoughts dropped,
i focus concentration,
into that tree up ahead,
embody myself inside,
yes i feel your branches,
my arms are stronger,
my fingertips grow anew,
my feet is planted,
they seep deeper into ground,
yes i feel your sturdy and soft roots,
the droplets of water is good to me,
the taste is vitality,
yes i enjoyed the moment tree,
now i must continue stepping,
from left foot to righteousness forward,
on my path of enlightenment,
with my ego camouflaged.

Yes i see you perched proudly,
what do you see my friend?
i see nobody in between the debris,
lend me your eyesight as vehicular traffic goes bye…
my feathers are gentle packed together,
i watch from above and sometimes below,
depending on the location of the dead,
it is my duty to oversee them all,
it is my deserved meal to eat what is sleep,
who is in deep sleep unable to breathe life,
so i take-in their ways of wrongness,
turning wrongness into rightfulness,
my digestion is metaphysically honored,
keep me in your mind always,
when wrong thoughts are death,
may i come swifter with wingspan shadowing,
your darker skies eating those perceived thoughts,
of wrongness that is not about uplifting humanity,
leaving you with life clearer like in spring,
birth a way of rightful mind out of you,
truly is sincere sow you may reap beauty’s path,
of anew debut…
thank you for the insight my friend,
the eyes across skies of wickedness and righteousness,
i must continue walking in my journey,
aspired soulfully moved while ego is camouflaged.

Still on my path,
the winds blow inn,
another mail message,
i read the letters from above,
i write them back from below,
send them back through my right side,
another small helicopter incoming,
i have many friends who fly,
why you visiting me dragonfly?
Yes I feel at peace enough,
so go land over there next to the tulips,
oh another friend buzz inn too,
the bright and black fuzzy bumble,
you see many of me eyes to faces,
there are many places you go,
i know it is a drought around here,
you will have to be carried on with the breezes,
be safe while in search and share fair…
the bee goes from one grand opening to the other flower,
why somebody keeps knocking on me?
It hurts to know you always trying to pry inside,
but i’m harder than you expected,
no I’m not home so keep on pecking,
you too high on my branches,
it took me years of experience,
with the rhythm of underground motion,
growing up with rings or none,
i stood taller as a seedling deeply rooted,
from a seed i knew myself as a journey begun,
today is my future to seek where i never been before,
growing up still on my path as the winds goes,
so does all facades while my ego is camouflaged.

After drunken off the henny,
out the clubs near birmingham,
the united kingdom version where blacks,
gathered looking starry night all rockets ready to blast off,
rolling down the M highway throwing the middle finger up,
i know the camera seen my concoction,
all numbers and letters scrambled so there were no stopping,
back to haddon down a tiny road filled pastures,
you got the clydesdale plus mint for grasses,
bunnies come around when the quails runs playful,
i had a twenty sack of the bomb dozier with hash fore higher times,
in the glove compartment cigars kept my rolls,
from the backseat of the grey volvo,
pen and pad of stories never told,
i stopped to pull over where the cows are muthas,
i felt they presence as i signal my progression,
dog tags on my buff chest bare and naked,
my belt below my waistline showing all draws,
indeed the space within grew my hairy bluer balls,
so i hopped on the top of the roof feeling rawer than ever,
the full moon was out and one cow appeared out clever,
i smiled then wrote a piece of love poetry from my soul,
i gave her my best of loves completely exposed,
she waggled her tail but then more came up,
they were about fifty deep in hooves and moos,
as the neighbors slept on i continued to express myself,
openly with the cows while sharing my poetry with the full moon,
i appreciated their patience and four legged standing ovation,
when i finished my poetry all moos went to heaven,
i miss speaking my words to and with the cows,
cause they always listened no matter how much i written,
even though i always had a feeling,
that another human was always paying attention,
back in haddon a small european village,
cows were my audience.

She was a best friend with special benefits privileged,
always had that smile,
working in the bank counting all cash,
an accountant with class,
she knew the white world’s rules in order to outlast,
we met at the farmer’s market,
where cobblestone still exist road throughout villages,
she is so pretty probably still waiting with a sigh,
i swear she was twenty five,
eyes of a panther with a secret deeper than a lie,
but i found truth exists in all forms twisted perceptively,
originally from the islands black is she,
about five foot eight inches a glow brighter shining me our mile,
i introduced myself as an alias so the feeling is mutual,
benefiting from our personal protection hugged up deeply for awhile,
i already knew what time it was though i felt rapture,
from dinners to phone texts to singing together sincere,
we never went anywhere as jealousy kept her fear,
while my curiosity kept me blind,
two aged lovers from a race of the same,
she tried to control me intelligently,
but i caught on in time,
around the same time she confessed,
i could feel her heart was in so much stress,
and so i told her my real name and occupation,
though she felt my militant body to be true,
while tugging my ears softly curling her toes upon my calves,
i could feel she had something to say flipping inside her heart,
heads of true happiness and tails of sudden loneliness,
as she spoke around the bush tears from her eyes started to fall,
she said hold me please and promise to not judge me,
i kissed her swollen lips filled with her deep exhale,
streams of her tears tasted bitter of years hoping to be sweeter,
inside my mind i definitely knew she was a younger panther,
unable to give me the perfect life i deserved she figured,
then again i felt the same cause she never let me do us,
doubled the age i was considering sacrificing part of my dream,
just two be us soulfully loved,
so before she could tale me her while under the crisp white sheets,
i said i know your secret sow lets just reap us today and tonight,
two souls absolutely complete,
we departed and it hurt when she said those words,
though i understood at an early age that life is indeed puzzling,
around the world in every area older still waiting younger.

You showed me the curls,
the strength of togetherness,
the movement of truth,
silky rivers releasing the fountain of youth,
you couldn’t explain how we came about,
emotion grabs fulfillment,
minds bounce outer state,
without a planet of clout,
i heard the voice climb max,
from the temple pure out,
flies the word of mouth,
thunders of strait telepathy to the heavens and back,
enlightening affection shudder amazing,
behind the darkest doors,
never shall i depart the red seas again,
the glassy appeal is sown beautiful,
full of life defined as the tribute,
the synonym of ridicule,
the slickest path discovered,
covered and hibernating,
only awakening on minus temptation,
though it gets grooving soothe,
slow and highly aware when i enter…
you blessed me well up and centered,
my journey through the jungle,
all from the eye,
kissed her one time,
once upon ah rhyme,
inn the beginning.

No bustas allowed,
this is the game given to me,
center yourself small,
foreward your word power,
guard your points,
shooting if the shot is right,
defending full court without moving,
entrapping to the fullest,
the underdog is here waxed on floors,
don’t slip up when i’m wetted,
the lights hit halftime,
i got cheers who are my leaders,
drinking more water plus gator aid,
cause it’s refreshingly vital,
attacking at high speed breaking ankles,
with old school movements magic style,
i seen you looking assisting worthy best,
tap pass to the doctor alley hooping rising,
like his airness heir to the skies,
from the free throw line smashing nastiest,
i came in and up to compile fouls,
no bustas allowed.

Don’t want to shoot a black male,
don’t want to shoot a white male,
don’t want to shoot a yellow male,
don’t want to shoot a brown male either,
see my direction is not at them,
see within myself i comes incorrect,
directing my violent thoughts out on somebody,
always war is like that,
from battling leaping into your own hesitation flirting with risks,
it is confusing not knowing which way to go,
when information technology comes at your temple full blast,
it is the trigger function you didn’t compute within your trigonometry,
you clocking backwards growing up tapped into blacking out unfinished,
so the knowledge crowds your creativity,
you thinking you are supreme,
but i been there behind the walls of ignorance controlling your physical senses,
the news you got is years old seriously,
it was setup for you to keep participating in they way of life,
but you will still sell your soul out to be better than your people’s investment,
now you’ve become a higher figure of a determined lost soul created as a menace.

Don’t want to agree with a black female,
don’t want to agree with a white female,
don’t want to agree with a yellow female,
don’t want to agree with a brown female either,
see my direction is not at them,
see within myself i comes incorrect,
directing my trifling lies of emotions out on somebody who is not aware,
always war is like that,
from battling leaping into your own hesitation flirting with risks,
it is confusing not knowing which way to go,
when emotions grows so powerful out of control i grow selfish into your heart i takes it,
it is the squeeze of the trigger function on orbit you couldn’t figure out and out comes another victim blinded,
i be thinking i am supreme turning babies into slaves and soldiers full of hatred flying in the air unfinished,
crashing out the skies of determined wonder to make it out the madness,
some sell they soul to be safely all alone foe the love of it too much self-pride too far gone only strongest for themselves,
now you’ve become a higher figure of a determined lost soul created as a opposite gender furthering creation of menaces.

See i’m not in a race,

nor running to win,

i chose wisdom when i wave pass you,

where you going hatred in the wind?

See i’m not in a race,

eye am i from a street called full circle,

bridging dead to the living,

the bridge stands for equality,

meaning everything is equal,

so no way can i be a racist,

for your political sake one dimensional rake,

watching for the fall of leaves…

isn’t it colorful or colorless as we perceive,

who taught you right versus wrong,

but what is verses related to good,

when your bad carries so far along,

i got soul level ambition deeper and higher,

than my last times,

i learned how to grow,

by watching thorns stick out from within,

endless relentless vines none egotistical display,

i’m not a racist for your pleasure or dismay,

no i’m not cause it was written deciphered,

in my own intelligence get your mind back forth coming,

sow your seed reap benefits of a deep sleeper relevance’s reverence,

the world’s static is hectic,

language of known or unknown still you are irrelevant,

just ask rosy rose when you smell them.

The two way street,
either you take the one full of life,
out comes life full,
or the dead end,
your choice,
your decision,
your humanity,
the cause is effect.

See blacky is the dead end,
at one end of my path,
and the other end is Q Ave,
the two way street sign,
with the rough dawg,
posted up living the fast life,
hands in his pocket,
with fool’s gold on,
smoking a blunt of high times,
and to the other side,
is that ole man casual down,
still posted up on the block,
smoking his harmonica soulfully chilling,
the full circle of the saw to the future,
they standing together though,
you know the young and old,
on my right arm that is,
on my left arm is Quattlebaum,
with the second t as the cross symbol of the male,
i am the fruit tree who bridges the dead to the living,
i am still walking down my spiritual block,
from the dead end out of the full circle,
as the SOULJAH arched up at the sternum,
across the hills and valleys of my stomach,
the bread basket of my gut instinct,
which is the second brain of my existence,
i never let my stomach get swollen with greed,
i keep a six to twelve pack of soul juice,
to drink on while at rest and moving through life’s trenches,
hanging on to my dog tags forever etched in so there is no taking mine,
so when i hug you i could be that youngster or ole timer posted up,
as any fruit tree standing at the bridge waiting on you too,
from the dead end unfinished walking to the otherside living,
completely ready to go back home successfully finished.

In the background around my stomach,
is Queen Tubman’s face representing,
the underground by any means necessary,
i got Queen Nefertiti’s face on my left side of chest,
i got Queen Nzinga’s face on my right side of chest,
they are my trinity of fight in this war of oppression,
my real road models guiding me in my art of peace,
with Queen Cobra on my back i see all predators,
forever protected even if death takes me out unfinished,
i wrote my own two line eulogy tatted on the bridge of my shoulders,
with two black roses caressing my last sentence.

See that black preacher said,
i would have to explain my art,
one day and time while deeper,
into my journey cause i told him,
a vision i had to come true about his church,
so in turn he told me straight up,
live life easy and don’t be so hard on myself,
being your own critic is hardest at times,
so I let my trinity below inked in my largest organ,
across my body criticize me to the max,
and i ain’t finished life by a long shot,
welcome to my canvass as my home,
my story of times artistically finished.

When we use to hit the malls,
looking clean or not,
we came to find cuffs and tatas,
laughing cause we didn’t have fifty dollars between us,
you hit the game store,
i hit the chinese chicken,
we came back fifteen minutes later,
looking at business gear in the asian store,
exchanging chicken fore game,
tasting good feeling all the same,
we need reassurance that our clothes right,
over there and right here,
they look feel honest is beautiful,
so ran up and asked them at the same time,
with a question of an opinion they truth out they own mine,
sow the four of us came together like no other kind,
we left out the store with two new hats on,
or was it one since our money was running kind of low,
did i do the math wrong from the get go??
though i remember laughter hugs smiles emotional sayings bodies banging
when we use to hit the malls….

stark under heavy covers,
never lean back i say,
takes to long for chilly cotton to heat,
the surface will never be slept on,
the cold side of the bed.
I been waiting patiently lucidly,
in between my dark buns sweats it,
in between my thighs get wetted,
my toes get steamy,
my pecs tingle with a sizzling sensation,
my knees bent sincere ready for her hugging,
with my hands clasped together,
under my cheek head sleeping on my willow,
the impression of my weepings wilted in my pillow,
all because of the cold side of the bed….

Inscribe me with your promises,
close your eyes and believe,
there is no pain,
two as one we will gain,
i am the extra pull,
i am the extra push,
i am the sight you called on,
i am the shield unseen,
try me forever without leaving,
do not desert me,
i belong to you,
me and you alone,
on the scene walking happily,
the auras you glow we sing,
from my soul to yours,
we enjoy the warmth neverending,
i know you well,
when in the love struggle to be perfect,
look into me deeply to see,
indeed luck is an opportunity as the cause reasoned,
my color of shining,
draw on your promises,
i give you mine,
so i must do without vain,
the loyalty and honor to be with you,
i keep closest than you will ever imagine,
in your hands squeezing is i,
your protector during the love struggle.

Never put your head down,
cry harder and remember i feel the pain,
or the joy of knowing relief,
i sacrifice myself to be with you forever,
together our soul two keep,
the bond of sacredness,
i will give you strength during the mourning,
when you exhale i glare prophecy out,
see our vision clearly,
smile always wider than our last times,
keep me clean i will keep you cleaner,
the more energy we put into ourselves selfless,
the more we are rewarded abundantly,
we stay true during harm,
forgive your depths of mistakes,
i will give you a new ladder of hope,
never tell anyone about me,
never whisper to anyone about us,
fore jealousy comes quicker,
thieves become slicker,
envy grows thicker,
always be selfish with me,
do what is good fore i will good,
i promise as long as you do,
pray with me too,
while i watch vigilantly with you,
never leave me alone,
or i become the opposite of you,
in somebody else eyes knowing my soul,
i lust not and i love most,
i am lover with protection,
wrap me with your golden clasp,
keep me as your amulet,
during your love struggle,
which is our love struggle,
inhale life a brand new patiently,
let me surge up fore you triumphantly.

The heartbeat is our rhythm,
i am alive when you speak,
the intensity of knowing i can,
beside you i will steadfast,
a given truth in your hands,
two rings on eternity,
inscribe us truly us,
we can never be worn out,
as long as the will two be as one,
we can stand,
i believe in you to stride further,
i seen you more successful than yesterday,
whisper your encouragement,
i whisper back double depending on our energy,
i give you the emotion to will,
when down and out you believed in me,
sow i repay the honor and loyalty,
double than you expected,
i am here always,
you and i forever in all ways,
the team marching through your deserts,
the enemy territory have no fear,
you will not be touched,
just remember your experiences,
from the last times as wisdom,
i will appear in the form you requested,
during the love struggle,
hold on to your faith vice.

In the morning time…
love never knock at my door,
so i get up and walk outside,
either when off to work slaving,
working my non-profit solely,
prophet of my owned times struggling,
the past is gone in the winds,
meaning she who said and i who did,
presently i strive for the needs,
i done saw the wants drowning me,
i slowed down to rewind my wise memories,
the definition of being mental patient,
with no-thing plus time around space,
i ditched alcohol and both kinds of mary jane,
refueled my soul bookless reading deeper into self,
the mystery of depths deepest within my genes,
my mutha’s rhythm of the dead alive beating proudly,
i saw the queen of my life at the mountaintop waiting,
she said all earthly wonders will not get me there with her,
so i kept sacrificing and it’s been about three years now,
from city to city watching couples hugged up smiling,
from the poorest hoods to the richest neighborhoods,
she said love me as i love you,
and i asked how?
from the heart as the respected,
so i grew from unreal to realest beyond my last times,
and my road motto be the roses that i carry,
never failing loving feeling fresher everyday,
another notch of growth without vain or kissup,
i learned reality and love is like the four o’clock flower,
worldwide they blossom timed,
and my bed still has cold sheets,
regardless of the fireplace and electrical heater,
and my black skin which absorbs sunshine naturally…
i’m hurting….

You only care,
about yourself,
after seeing real,
they real meaning,
their reality,
then you learn,
to not care,
about no one else,
and care about,
yourself the mind,
that is not mastered,
the heart cold filled with deceit,
you learn to not,
put that burden,
out on the ones,
who are innocent,
though they continue,
who are innocent,
to get dumped on,
just to be victimized,
to the dumping,
become like the dumper,
not aware…
sow you be yourself,
and reap a better self,
harvest your best,
forget their epitomes,
create your own reality,
when you care no more,
cause a change you cannot do,
being selfless to your maximum,
will eventually evaporate you,
as the change they didn’t know,
so know nobody cares deeply,
like yourself and never accept,
a friendship or relationship of any kind,
unless they are exactly like you,
regardless of color, gender, race,
and any other anything of everything,
they can think of as this is now,
all spiritual and soulfully bound,
using emotion to influence,
the best in all to fuel special,
thoughts mentally that are nurturing,
and fond to be memories,
manifested physically,
i care no more about nobody,
cause i am not a vacuum,
even if my other half were to arrive,
i would not put my all into her,
i dare not as wisdom teaches best,
when you care about yourself,
not of selfishness but reality being,
created as growth spiritually,
for yourself when you care no more,
about nobody else.

You care not,
you love yourself,
your political funnies,
the constant you you,
you said you love us,
but when i think about,
and keep thinking about,
about you the more,
you think not about us,
you care about everybody else,
but us and it’s obvious,
don’t need your lies,
i have my own intuition,
don’t need your words,
don’t need your hugs,
as it was never there,
my senses are not ill-functioning,
though you are,
and I,
could care less,
even about your looks,
your looks justifies nothing,
for me or us or yourself,
you claim you love us,
you claim you down for us,
you claim you Queen,
you want to be treated as such,
you need to be treated mentally,
cause your heart needs healing,
as ours have never been touched,
you don’t care about us,
you love yourself,
and taught that since birth,
i didn’t make our stone wall…
they did if you open up eye,
but for known reasons you keep,
putting bricks in it to the point,
it is steel sub-consciously,
even your presence of unrealness,
kills…you kill…and keep killing,
and don’t care sow i strengthen,
myself as a seed of unknown,
i go further were most of my blood,
has never gone before,
and that is freedom alone,
the finale until my physical,
is ashes blown gone.

Since i was a kid mutha told me to,
i did on two knees afraid not to,
whether it was in the church,
beside my bed seriously aware,
after the close death call,
upon those two i plotted on,
for my big brothaz gone,
for my sistahz resting silently forever,
for my family members dropping quicker,
for the senseless endangerment of animal nature,
for the homeless,
for the fiends,
for the entrapped,
for the babies born,
for the good tears shed fallen into dirty paths,
for any enemy against me totally unaware,
for my shadow,
for my two lost unborn,
for that black man inside the newspaper,
the one faced on the eulogy,
the mirror reflection no longer there,
for the ones who at war constantly,
while i’m ashed out traveling deeper into the seas,
hear my echoes as laughs at last,
cause i prayed for you.

How many facets can you see?
how many aspects of your personality you have?
do you enjoy listening to the sounds?
what makes you heard when underneath ground?
why reason captures hearts captive?
when can satisfaction get satisfaction?
which way is heaven?
where is your direction?
can we have dinner of two?
who is here? could it be me or you?
you like being invisible?
i felt you straight knocking at my temple.
whose dimples crush love into pieces?
why you got ghost when logic faith your season?
how can we be definitely free?
when open heart surgery is done on you by me?
is this world a joke or a fantasy?
how is reality?
why are we neutral?
why rotation spins?
when is the ending?
where beginning birth how?
so you are my flavor from north to south?
loving you is the depths of all i got?
how can we be live when behaviors direct us not?
why am i the plot?
i was going to ask you the same question,
just write me sometime.

Copyright “Diary of a Black Man” 2014 by Nefertum Husia Shayheh


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